How do you feel around certain people? Energised or drained? Secure or wary? Respected or reeling from something that you just can’t put your finger on?
If you’re having even the slightest of doubts, you could be under the spell of toxic people, who excel at ensuring their toxicity remains undetected.
So that you can sniff out the sorcerers and lead as curseless a life as possible, we spell out four common tricks that toxic people like to pull off.
Sleight of Hand
Toxic people have you in the palm of your hand – or at least, that’s their overall game plan. They’re extraordinary manipulators, sending you off on guilt trips or trying to convince you they’re doing you a favour as a way of getting what they want from you, even if it’s only attention. You might not even realise it’s happened until after the fact. Remember that work they ‘kindly’ brought your way to give you ‘valuable experience’, or that job offer they talked you out of, holding you back in your career? Their good intentions may well have been an illusion…
The Switch
Another wearing aspect of being around toxic people is their tendency to twist the truth, whether they’re exaggerating stuff, changing the story or making up stories altogether. They do a similar thing with feelings. Like a skilled conjurer switching cards, they will make their feelings appear to be yours, giving such a believable performance that it will have you questioning your own integrity. If they’re aggressive, they’ll accuse you of aggression; if they’re in a bad mood, then you’re the one labelled moody – you get the idea. This handy technique (known in psychology as projecting) has the dual purpose of shifting the blame while allowing someone else to take responsibility for the blame-shifter’s emotions.
Pulling a Rabbit out of a Hat
Nothing exposes toxicity like a good old row, an argument being the perfect platform for revealing the toxic person’s strategies. Rather than keeping things relevant, toxic people will pull stuff out of thin air to use against you, none of which has any relevance. Don’t get sucked into the vortex of illogicality that is the toxic person’s signature. Such behaviour suggests they’re more interested in scoring points than resolving the issue at hand – evidence of how little they value the relationship they have with you.
The Vanishing Lady
Still on the subject of arguments, another trick perfected by our toxic friends is to disappear in the proverbial puff of smoke before you’ve had the chance to clear things up with them. You’ll have barely had time to wipe the mud from your face before you realise your mudslinger has gone to ground, with their charges and insults still ringing in your ears. Whether done for attention or to protect their precious ego, they’ll resist your attempts to conclude things, leaving you dangling like a puppet, which is just how your puppet master likes it.
Don’t be a victim of toxicity – check out our handy hex hacks here.
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