As humans, we’re exposed to insults from an early age – from quarrels with our siblings to playground name-calling, most of us bear the battle scars of affronts. But take things into the workplace and it’s a whole new different ballgame: school bullies and work colleagues, despite their similarities, might have to be handled differently, especially if you were hoping to keep your job.
So for you sanity and continued employment, here are five tips to cope with all those brickbats and zingers, allowing you to weather the storm of face slaps.
Don’t take it to heart
At times, there’s a great temptation to think that the world is out to get us, and everything from the way we’ve been raised to the amount of sleep we’ve had can affect how sensitive we are to putdowns. Our default response can feel hardwired into us, so just noticing how we react to things is often a good place to start. Sometimes the offender isn’t aware that they’ve committed any offence at all, and that taunt they’ve just batted your way might not even have had your name on it; you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Of course, the remark may have indeed been intended for you, but even then, you can distance yourself from it by remembering that bullies, too, are the victim of their own upbringing. That doesn’t make their actions more acceptable, but it might take the sting out of their barbs.
Ignore it
Granted, this is easier said than done, but if you can master the art of shrugging things off, it will not only benefit your health but could magically disarm your opponents. Many insulters are just looking for a reaction, and by not taking the bait, you’ll leave them no choice but to go looking for trouble elsewhere.
Learn to accept it
Accepting things we can’t change in life is all part and parcel of life. So tell yourself that your boss’s tendency to cut you to the quick or your co-worker’s knack of pushing your buttons is yet one more thing you can’t change in life. They may or may not grow out of it, but for now, accept that it’s just the way they are.
Avoid taking revenge
Revenge in these cases can be very sweet indeed, especially if you’re dealing with long-term abusers, but although planning the perfect retaliation might help you get through the day, it might not have the desired outcome. Life is not the movies, and that happy scene of victory you’ve pictured in your mind could very well result in more conflict if your attacker refuses to back down. Instead, be as professional as possible and decide whether a peaceful solution would ultimately benefit everyone.
Discuss it
If the above has failed and all those backhanded compliments are taking their toll, consider confronting the culprit. But make sure the meeting takes place in private: humiliating your victimiser in public may be satisfying for you, but if they’re the sort that finds strength in numbers or plays to the crowd, you’ll be in a weaker position with others around. A one-to-one has an official air about it too – something that is lost when fellow workers are within earshot – and sends the message that you’re serious. During the discussion, try your best to control your temper and calmly express your concerns and needs. If you still have some hope of improving the relationship, you could preface your accusation with ‘I know you probably don’t mean to, but…’ If your tormentor becomes aggressive, don’t stoop to their level; maintain your calm stance and assert yourself, focusing on what you want to get out of the meeting.
There is no such thing as the perfect workplace, and sometimes unwanted comments can make or break a job, but by adopting a cool and dignified approach, you might find a strategy that helps you deal with the flak, and, hopefully, with time and patience, you can put all those putdowns to bed.
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